Why Me? Who Knows? (video of Bob walking)

Dear Friends and Fambly,

You're probably wondering where we've been???? Sorry, we've had some major changes in our lives and that's kept us pretty busy--too tired to write. I returned to work on August 31. WHAT? You know the song, "We work hard for the money??" Well, while money isn't the end, it does pay the bills and provides insurance and we are very grateful that my company allowed me to stay home with Bob this long. It was a very difficult decision since Bob is still in the initial phase of his recovery and I couldn't have done this if my twin hadn't moved in to take over Bob's caregiving, speech, OT and PT during the day. Bob and I are forever indebted to Shadi and Dr. Bill Letson for allowing Shadi to take a "leave of absence" from your home in Korea to help us.

Yes, my twin, Shadi finally arrived! She flew in on a westerly and settled in a little over a month ago to help me with the Bob while I returned to work. Thank God, she's here. Two things: caregiving is HUGE (who knew) AND the quiet in the house all day, except for my being "nagging teacher" and my mindless nattering (which was beginning to annoy me, let alone, the Bob) is overwhelmingly quiet. I'm used to making ALOT of noise and having Bob at least say "um hum" or "let's think about it, Sharon", or anything to acknowledge my deeply philosophical nonsensical observations.

Shadi's presence and work with Bob has made the world of difference for us. Before her arrival, I felt like I was holding my breath every day, waiting for this bad "movie" to be over. I was so sad and though I really, really tried to be happy and upbeat, my heart and soul was heavy. I missed my old Bob, I missed everything that was. Okay, well maybe there were a couple of things I didn't miss like taxes, but I did miss almost everything else. You see, although small miracles occurred every day, when you're deep into recovery and caregiving work, we couldn't see them clearly, and my oh my, it felt like we were moving at a snail's pace.

Speech is still Bob's challenge (or pain). We are so hopeful and positive, however, because he is generating more language. It is still difficult and my heart aches as he struggles to find the words. Before Shadi arrived, he couldn't stick with a thought or find words. Shadi works with Bob for 2.5 hours of intensive speech/language aphasia and apraxia treatment and OMG, what a HUGE difference! When she arrived, he mostly said "yes" and "no". Well, now, he is learning to string words to make sentences. And guess what? Bob and I have meaningful conversations every night when I tuck him in bed. It isn't the style of conversations that we had before the stroke, but it's way more than yes/no. I'll lie beside him and hold hands in the dark and we talk, really talk, about our feelings and memories. I cherish those 20-30 minutes every night!Now, he'll try to work around the words until he finds what he wants to say. The other night he asked me, "Why me?" and honestly, I didn't have a good answer except what he would have said to me, "There is no good answer. I don't know why it happened to you, to us. It is what it is so we just have to deal with it." But I would be lying if I didn't say that I had to fight to hold back tears.

Here are a few Bobisms:

• Upon my commenting that he seems to be speaking a little more and asking to what he would attribute the change, he said, "I would cite Shadi".
• Today, in response to my blubberings about missing the dog, Bob said, "I am sad but I am all out of tears."

PT and OT are still going fabulously: His PT has him walking without a cane during PT. It's scary for him but he just trusts and does. I love him so much for his wonderful spirit.

Oops! Have to start dinner. More later!